


Discovering “Being Gay”

by zsomeone



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-27
Updated: 2010-07-27
Packaged: 2018-03-16 21:14:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3502991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Join me as some annoyingly perky TV chick interviews Skwisgaar and Toki on this new concept called “Being Gay.”  (In my head she sounds like Fellowship of the Sun chick from True Blood, if that’s helpful to you.)<br/>Because damnit, I needed a crack break.  Parts the are scratched out are stuff that got edited out.  Random scene crap is in italics.<br/>Warnings: <s>Scratched out <i>almost</i> porn</s></p>
            </blockquote>





	Discovering “Being Gay”

“Welcome back. Joining us now are Skwisgaar Skwigelf and Toki Wartooth from the popular band Dethklok. Skwisgaar and Toki, welcome to the show.”

_Skwisgaar nods, Toki doesn’t respond at all._

“Surely you’re aware of the latest craze that’s sweeping to world, it’s called Being Gay. Some predict that it will become even bigger than Dethklok! How do you two feel about this?”

_Toki has stage fright and won’t talk. He’s just staring into space._

“Pfft, dat’s bull ~~shits~~ *beep*.”

“Well maybe it is and maybe it isn’t! How does Dethklok feel about Being Gay? How do you, Skwisgaar, personally feel about it? Would you be willing to discover what Being Gay is all about?”

“I ams not seeings what so great abouts dis Beings Gay. What ams in it fors me?”

“Well, the wonder feeling of ~~a big dick up your ass~~ fulfillment, of course! Imagine, if Dethklok and Being Gay could be combined... there could be nothing ~~better~~ bigger!”

_He appears to think about it._

“Dat makes sense, tells me more. How would I does dis Being Gay?”

“Well, it takes two people. Toki?”

_She snaps her fingers in front of his face, he blinks._

“Toki, can you join us? Skwisgaar wants to discover Being Gay and he’s going to need your ~~cock~~ help!”

_He looks at Skwisgaar, seeming confused._

“Okays?”

“Good! Now when you’re first trying Being Gay, it’s best to start with a ~~blowjob~~ kiss. Are you both comfortable with the idea of putting your mouth on another man’s ~~cock~~?”

_They both look uncertain._

“Can we get a privacy screen over here please? I think they’re a little shy!”

_Two guys carry out a big black screen, and set it where it blocks Skwisgaar and Toki from the studio audience._

“Okay, now the first thing I need you to do is ~~take off your pants~~ get closer. Good! Now Skwisgaar, take your hand and touch Toki’s ~~cock~~. How’s that feel?”

“Wowee!”

“Dis jus feels like I’s ~~jacksing off backwards~~ *no audio*”

“Well if this is too basic for you we can just move on to the ~~butt sex~~ next step. Skwisgaar, if you’ll turn around and lean on the back of your chair?”

_Shuffling sounds from behind the screen_

“Why ams I doesing dis?”

“It’s a very important part of Being Gay! Now this is ~~lube, so it doesn’t hurt when Toki sticks his dick in you~~ the fun part!”

_More sounds from behind the screen_

“Now Toki, stand right here. Good! Now I want you to put your hand on Skwisgaar’s hip and carefully ~~slip your cock up his ass~~ stroke his hair.”

_More movement behind the screen, and a grunt_

“Oh wowee, he’s ~~fuckings tight~~ *no audio*!”

_***COMMERCIAL BREAK*** _

 

_The screen is gone now, and they’re back in their chairs. Skwisgaar is sitting a little funny._

“Welcome back! We’re here with Skwisgaar and Toki from Dethklok, who have just tried Being Gay for the very first time! Can you tell me what you thought of it? And do you think you’ll consider Being Gay more often?”

“Yeah, Beings Gay is reallies fun! I likes it!”

“I ams not sure abouts dis Beings Gay. ~~Mine ass hurts~~ *no audio*”

“Well somebody was ~~surprisingly well hung, so that’s understandable~~ a really good sport!”

“Skwisgaar, I can’ts does Beings Gay withouts you! Maybe if we keeps practicing like she shows us it will gets better?”

“That’s the spirit, ~~I’d love to see Skwisgaar fuck your sweet ass~~! Unfortunately that’s all the time we have for today! Join us next time when we’ll be talking to Steve, a zookeeper who was once trapped in an elephant’s ~~asshole~~ enclosure for three hours.”

_credits roll, and the camera pans away from the stage_


End file.
